Small penises have feelings too.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
