Jerry, you need to find god
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
