There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
