just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
