I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
