Umm I'm too high to move.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
