WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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