I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
