so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
