If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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