He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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