Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
