she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
