There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
