I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
