It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
