If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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