listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
