everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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