I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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