Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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