i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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