The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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