hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
