K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
