I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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