i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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