My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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