Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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