listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
