i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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