well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
