you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize