i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
