Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
