Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
