I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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