Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
