i barfeds in our rink
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
