They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
