seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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