If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
