the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize