aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize