my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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