The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
