very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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