I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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