Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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