I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize