Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
