she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
