the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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