The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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