Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
