Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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