Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
