Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
