I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
