I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
