He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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