found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
