Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize