she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
