turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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