u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
