If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize