In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
